And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-Dylan Thomas
I am very angry today. I am angry with myself, I am angry with others, I am angry at the world in general. I am angry that i haven't had many good nights of sleep this month. I am angry that i wimp out during kickboxing and only do half jumping jacks. I am angry that i make excuses instead of just doing something. I really feel like breaking something, which is how i dealt with my anger in high school i just exploded and would scream and punch and throw things until something would inevitably get broken, and i would collapse into tears mourning the loose of some precious trinket. I am angry at the tears that don't seem to have an end. I am angry that what were many positive things happened today but i cant enjoy them. I am angry that my anger slips through my fingers like water and dissolves into tears. I cant even hang on to being mad. I feel empty inside and the anger gives me something to feel besides bone crushing sadness. I am having a harder and harder time faking it. The cracks are showing. I did the unacceptable and cried at work on Friday i just couldn't stop. the straws that break me are getting smaller each day. It is hard to find any kind of joy at all. I have gotten drunk for 3 weekends in a row, which is a post college record. my heart hurts, and i have run out of anger for the day. so goodnight, maybe i will find something to feel something about tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment